Identity

We think we know who we are much of the time but, a lot of the time we get that mixed up with what we do. Think of it as being alone on a deserted island. Who are you when you are by yourself? What drives you? What do you do without any effort? What do you love? What do you dislike? If you were describing yourself to someone what would that look like?

Identity is a huge topic and I can’t cover it all in one post. Today I will share some of my journey and hopefully that will give you an idea of where you’re at in your process.

Our identity evolves throughout our life. I believe that we were carefully created for a purpose that we can only fulfill by becoming completely ourselves. There are defining moments that solidify our identities and this is one of the most monumental ones I’ve experienced.

I had a series of events happen about the time I turned 40 (12 years ago). I had no idea at the time that the outcome would be such a defining of my identity and that was probably just how it was supposed to be. There were things in me that began to rise up. There were a lot of things going on in my life. My children were graduating high school and moving away to pursue their passions, my husband was away working on the road much of the time. I was also in a community of group thinkers and I began to realize that I didn’t think like they did and I no longer could go along with them. There was an anxiousness and at the same time a sadness that were at the forefront of my emotions.

I began to explore those emotions instead of stuffing them back down inside of myself. The more that I realized what I was feeling and why, enabled me to do what I truly wanted to do and that felt so good! It was like a new part of me was coming to life and it empowered me and encouraged me to continue in that process. As I began to see my emotions as a gift and explore why I was feeling a certain way I could take responsibility for those feelings and I came to recognize my emotions as a gift.

I do not believe that we always have to allow ourselves to be led by our emotions but, I do believe we need to recognize them and find out why we are feeling what we are feeling. Balance is the key. Seeking out sound counsel from trusted people in our lives is a great gift.

So, as I began to allow myself to feel my feelings I was empowered and began to realize what I believed and why on a whole new level. My identity was being deepened in new and powerful ways. Most of the people I was around appreciated and valued my process but, some didn’t know what to do with me. That didn’t really matter as much as it would have in the past because the peace and confidence that I was coming to know overshadowed their opinions. I didn’t have to change my beliefs just because theirs were different or there may be some conflict.

One of the things that I remember as being a defining moment was when I was at a restaurant with some friends. There was a group of ladies sitting at a table across from us. These ladies I had seen out in the community and they were business owner’s and, in my eyes, they were like the popular girls in high school. I always wanted to be popular in high school and felt so rejected for so many years.

I got up to use the restroom and could feel their eyes follow me down the hallway. I remember thinking that I was really glad that I wasn’t sitting at their table and that shocked me. I always wanted to be invited to sit at the popular girls table— that was one of my dreams. But, because of the process I had been going through I realized that I was happier knowing my identity and being vulnerable and authentic than sitting at their table being fake. I valued true friendship and the women I was with were truer friends than I had ever had.

That night I went home and began to realize that I was truly growing into my identity. I was beginning to own my own beliefs, to be brave and embrace what I was feeling even if it meant going against the flow. There was so much self-acceptance that began in that moment that began to erase the rejection I had felt for so many years.

Am I there yet? No, I’m still in process. But, I am moving forward and each step forward empowers me to not turn back.

What are the defining moments in your life where you can look back and see them as solidifying your identity? What did you do in that process? What were you consciously thinking about yourself? What things were you speaking? What were you meditating on? Who were you surrounding yourself with?